I am struggling to stay afloat in the deluge of stormy thoughts that are lashing against the walls of my mind... I sink and start thrashing, I surface sputtering. The process keeps repeating till my mind numbs.
"Another rejection is something my system will not be able to take... I will crumble never to get up again," I mope. "No you will not. Every rejection will make you stronger. Have you any clue how strong you have become today thanks to all those rejections??!" "Why me," I ask? "Why not you?", comes the reply. I realise my mind has compartmentalised and my two minds are talking to each other. A debate ensues. I do not know which mind to listen to.
I don't really know how and when my heart slipped away from me and stealthily made its way to someplace else. Something that I have guarded so fiercely for so long, did, without even asking me! How dare it - I think? But there it goes, without giving me a second thought, without looking back, opening forever the gates of agony!
Forever is indefinite... But, picture abhi baki hai mere dost. I do not know today, how this story will end... or has it already ended like in those movies with vague endings, where you never come to know that it was the ending, till you read the "THE END" before the credits and you are left agape. I hope and pray this one has not ended yet, in the usual way, and hope that I get to see the end before it sees the end of me.
Life is made up of a little bit of everything... the sweet, the tangy, the sour, the spicy, the salty; that is what makes it so interesting. But to think that you are left only with bitterness, tears me apart. That you don't want to give anyone a chance to swap the bitter with any other flavour is what I do not understand. I can feel your pain, and the tumult that goes on in your mind wrenches at my heart. I wish some day you will wipe the slate clean and give someone (even if it is not me) a chance to start all over again cause life is beautiful. And you deserve to be happy.
Maybe this is just a euphemistic way of telling me that you don't find me desirable in any way. As soon as it comes, I shove this thought out of my mind. Only you know the truth. I will take you at face value! My naive mind says Love is always pure and unconditional. But deep down I know, only parents are capable of showering unconditional love on their children ... everything else in life comes with conditions.
They say, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's your's...if it doesn't come back, it never was. With that thought, I decide to set you free. I will wait for you to come back. I know you will. If not in this, maybe the next lifetime or the one after that. Most people cannot comprehend happenings beyond a single lifetime, but if you think of the larger scheme of the cosmos, life goes on seamlessly. We just discard one body and assume another. Life is like a colourful quilt... each patch representing a lifetime. Some patches are bright, some dull, some happy and some sad. We are the different coloured threads. We meet on some patches and are separated on some. This is what gives rise to beautiful patterns and this is what gives rise to life experiences.